“Me, Myself and I” _ by Swetha Kalyankar

My daughter's first story:

Summary:

“A middle schooler who has every one in her home mom, dad and siblings but suffered from loneliness with no love and care from them. She developed a fear to talk, mix in society due to her family background as her family is not recognized in a well manner in the society. All the time she was developed negative thoughts towards happy kids but she could help herself changing her thought process and path  by ‘friends’ she got newly in her life. So a friend in need is a friend indeed!!”

Hmm….Life.  Life can be such a beautiful thing at times. The people, the wonderful places, amazing creatures as well. But sometimes there’s the ugly too. People can be fake, annoying, selfish, stupid etc

Over the years its been like a hell with family problems, school, society, internet and people around….

The human being has ruled the earth ever since mankind existed, people get feelings over time, and they can get emotional as well. Humans go in their way sometimes, they are selfish, they are all jerks as well, and they are well…… “People”.

My family have gotten apart over time. Dad cheats on mom. Mom disrespects us, my siblings are already spoiled brats and I’m …. Well I just hate life. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even belong here, you know, I feel worthless, I feel unwanted, I feel well….alone.

Mom doesn’t even trust me anymore, she thinks that im a slut and that im stupid. She says that im probably not even a virgin…She treats me like trash, she treats me like and animal sometimes. She treats me like I was a joke.

In school I’m alone at times, people my age are having fun, getting drunk, having parties, doing drugs, like a normal high school teen but for them it’s like living the life I guess. Sometimes I imagine how it’ll be like if I was they, all happy, excited, and treated well and most importantly…feel loved.

I don’t really talk at school as much like the others if u would say. I have no friends neither. I usually just sit there and draw in my notebook, it calms me…a lot, I like to draw because it’s like if it took u to this other world, a gorgeous world where everything was perfect, so unique, and amazing.

When I was 11, I could remember how dad came home drunk, mom was quite worried for him so much that she even forgot about us.. her own children. She started to drink as well. She would get mad easily and would start to smoke too. Her face would get wrinkles which would make her look older. Since she would be drunk most of the times, dad would just bring in some “friends “ from work. Well at least that’s what he said, which I totally doubted. My siblings starts to not care about their grades anymore since mom wont study with them anymore. My brother would get really mad since she would barely listen to him. Her and started to take money from her and little prim, my sister got conceited.

In school my best friend moved away and she wouldn’t be able to help me with my problems at home or anything, she would be gone, 100 miles away from me or even more. She didn’t have a phone back then but neither did I so there was no way of contacting her.

I became depressed overtime, soon I had anxiety, and later after that, I started to starve myself. I thought I was fat since my mother would say that every now and then. I started to self-harm, some people say that self-harming is stupid and stuff but for me it’s a relief of all the pain im going through. The sharp blade on my skin just drawing threw it. Blood coming out and I was relieved for a couple of seconds. It can get addicting as well I guess.

I wasn’t happy at all……at all.

There was this guy I liked, his name was Brian. He seemed so perfect, so nice, so delicate. In math I was staring at him, he had friends and a girlfriend….She was one of the popular girls and well like all of them they were quite conceited, her name was Alison Brooke. She had a lot of friends and would have parties like every week. She was rich, healthy, well treated and beautiful. Unlike me .. I was the complete opposite, she had a slim body, she a lot of friends and a mom who adores her.

Her friends were just like her too, the thing that I hated about them was that they were fake. They would be so mean to people that would never have done anything to them, including me …..

Brian seems nice and funny, I don’t know if that’s because of his looks but that’s my opinion is. You know how they say it “never judge a book by its cover” they nice looking and seem so perfect but they can be diabolic and everything. I wanted him so badly but I could not get him. He was taken by this gorgeous girl and he seemed happy with her. I know that I would actually never get him but I sometime dream on how it would be to be a popular kid just for once…. And I want to experience my life in a different way. They all seemed so happy as if no sorrows and pains in their lives. It was my life like a hell and theirs were heaven.

When school was about to start, I was so tensed and scared. I always used to worry about what people would think of me and how I would look. I was so self-conscious about myself. It was 1^st period, I went to class and I went directly to my seat, without looking at anyone. I felt like a moron. Everyone in class was staring at me as if I did some crime. I have yelled “S... TOP STARING AT ME!! “. And everyone flinched. I felt so embarrassed. I actually felt happy that I stood up for myself for once but then again I have realized I shouldn’t have done that. Lunch came, I was sitting alone eating my lunch. Everyone was on the other end of the table. People were like “look at her, she’s such a loner” and “it’s like she has no life”. I felt like crying my eyes out. I have officially realized that my life would never get to normal and I was like held hostage. When I went to gym, all the girls were looking at me when I was changing. It was weird like… they were looking at me as if I was an alien. It was official my life was and I hoped for the best (probably).

A girl at my school was throwing a party for all girls. She was one of the popular girls. She for invited almost everyone in the whole 8^th grade, and I guess she thought I was good enough for it so she invited me. I was sort of happy. I actually felt like I was good enough this sort of thing and may be for once… just for once I was being noticed by someone. The part was on Saturday and I was all ready and everything. When I reached, I felt like a loner. I was just sitting there. I did not know what to do or what to say to them. Later they made me join them, I was so shy and scared. I worried about what I would say or do, or I might say something stupid…like I always do. To be honest….I was the only there awkward and the only one there wearing black. I looked like goth or emo but I didn’t really care. They were talking about boys, nails, hair etc. I had nothing to talk about. During the party, I could tell all the girls were fake because they would talk about one another and they are all in the same room. I wondered if they were talking about me. I thought maybe they were but I could care less. I was just realizing that I was being noticed because I was invited. After the party, I went home and I was still thinking about the party. May be I am not such a loner after all, or maybe I have a life.

It’s the second week of school and I’m still a loner with no one to talking to. I found out that people gave me a nick name, “SHADOW” or “LONER”, but like I could care less. In social studies, we had to pair up in a group of 3, and I was like “great…just great, this is the time where no one picks me”. But to my surprise two girls come up to me and asks to be in their group amd I’m like “ok”. We worked in a group for 1 week and nothing went wrong, and maybe we became friends. I was happy to be honesty. So, once I asked them if we were friends and they said yes. I felt so proud and happy. My friends….. Wow… and from that day onwards we talked and walked every day. I would always go to their house or they would go to my house. I felt popular….well not really popular but just extra happy. We would always tell secrets to each other and talked about a lot of things. My life had some colors and not just black and white.

My life has changed. Having friends changed it all. So from that day on I was a happy girl, I started to do well in school because I had people who would support me and stay by my side. Remember in the beginning I said I had a crush on Brain… well I don’t like him no more. Who needs a boyfriend when you have best friends? Oh yeah…. I never mentioned my name…. My name is SCARLETT…

Acknowledgements: Initiation and couple of paragraphs at the beginning was by my friend Judit Colt. Lastly, but not least inspired by my mother to write stories and, encouraged by mom and dad.